What is wrong with me?

Asking yourself "What is wrong with me? Why can't I do what XYZ is doing?" is like putting on someone else’s glasses and blaming your eyes for not seeing clearly. The blur doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means the prescription was never meant for you.

This is what comparison does. It makes you believe that because you cannot live exactly as someone else does, you are somehow failing. And in today’s world, comparison is not passive. Social media doesn’t just show you other lives, it speaks directly into yours. Influencers frame their advice with sharp hooks: You’ve been living wrong. Everything you’ve done so far has been a mistake. Here’s the real way. That kind of messaging is designed to catch attention by shaking your confidence. Once the seed of doubt is planted, the spiral begins.

The History

But comparison itself is not new. In survival-based cultures, where food, safety and shelter were scarce, falling out of step could put the whole group at risk. This is why uniformity mattered. If the tribe was moving, you would also move. If the group needed hunters, everyone strong enough would pick up a spear. There was less space for “individual style” because staying alive together was more important. This is where the deep wiring for comparison and conformity comes from.

But when a culture had enough resources to move beyond bare survival, there is room for nuance. In thriving communities, people’s quirks become assets. One person could be the healer, another the storyteller, another the astrologer, another the craftsperson. The community could afford to let each person lean into their natural strengths because there was enough collective stability to hold that diversity.

So, comparison as a survival reflex is universal but accommodation grows where there’s space to thrive. In India’s own history you see both: the village needed everyone to pitch in with farming or survival tasks and at the same time there were poets, weavers, philosophers and mystics whose contributions were less about survival and more about depth.

That’s part of why today feels so strange. Materially, many of us live in “thriving” conditions compared to our ancestors, but the pressure to conform hasn’t relaxed. Social media especially has pulled us back into survival-like scanning: am I doing it right, am I safe, am I falling behind? Even though the conditions would allow for more individuality.

The Core Issue Now

The difference also is the scale now. Instead of seeing the few families in your village, you are flooded with thousands of strangers whose lives may look nothing like yours. And yet the mind still tries to measure itself against them. That is like trying on their glasses and demanding that your eyes adjust.

And even if two people are the same age, their circumstances can be very different. One woman may be raising children while another is not. One may have a partner who shares responsibilities, another may be carrying them alone. Some have extended family close by, others may not. Some feel supported emotionally, others may feel isolated. Finances also shape what is possible- what routines can be sustained, what practices feel realistic. To expect all of them to live in the same way is like insisting that everyone wear the same prescription glasses and see clearly.

One Size Fits All?

This is why self-help or practices like mindfulness and meditation cannot be one-size-fits-all either. One person’s restlessness may come from the mind. Another’s might be her body’s routine. For some, a guided meditation works. For others, walking slowly is the entry point. For somebody else, two minutes of sitting is the most they can manage right now. And that is enough. Their stage of life matters too. A student, a housewife, a business owner, a woman in her sixties- they each come to practice carrying different needs and limitations.

For some, mornings are when the mind is clear, so that is when they prepare their meals or plan the day. For others, reminders are essential, because that is how their memory works. Some people write things down because otherwise their thoughts dissolves too easily. Some absorb knowledge through listening or through doing, instead of through reading. These differences don't mean that one person is better than another. They simply reveal our differences.

What can I do about it?

The solution is not to force yourself into a ready-made structure. The solution is to recognise your preferences, your tendencies, your needs and then create support systems that align with them. When I work with people, this is what we do together. We look honestly at where you are, what truly matters to you and what small steps will support you in that place. (Hence, our tagline is- Bloom Where You Are Planted 😉 )

So when the thought arises "What’s wrong with me? Why can't I do what XYZ is doing?" remember the glasses. Nothing is wrong with your eyes. The blur comes from borrowing a lens that belongs to someone else.

Working with yourself does not mean lowering standards. Health is still important. Discipline is still important. But the way you arrive there can and should reflect your reality. Drinking water is essential, but maybe the way you manage it is by placing bottles in every room. Meditation is valuable, but maybe it begins while washing dishes instead of with a thirty-minute sit.

Focus on the outcome, be flexible with the approach.

The pressure will always be there. Social media is built on it. Comparison will always arise too- it is part of our wiring. But judgment does not need to follow. We all need accommodations. We are just wearing the wrong glasses. The work is to find our own prescription. And when we do, we see clearly that nothing was ever “wrong” with us.