In our fast-paced lives, it's easy to get swept up in the roles we play and the labels we carry. However, understanding our true sense of self goes beyond these external factors. Here’s an exercise to help you explore and redefine yourself more mindfully.
Defining Yourself Through Objects
Take five minutes to look around your room, home, or workspace. Find three objects that can be used to define you. It might be the laptop you work on, the book you're currently reading, or a photograph of your kids or pets. Choose what is significant to you, irrespective of how much time you actually spend with it or what others expect of you.
Place these three items in front of you and meditate or journal using the following prompts:
Why did you choose these items?
How would you use them to define yourself?
What do these items represent in your life? (Fun, duty, leisure, love, etc.)
As you look at each item, observe the thoughts and emotions that arise. We often derive our sense of self from external factors—work, relationships, and labels provide us with structure and a sense of belonging. However, identifying too strongly with these can also cause suffering.
The Pitfalls of Over-Identification
For example, if someone identifies too deeply with their work, they might put excessive time and effort into it, neglecting their health, hobbies, and relationships. If they lose their job, they experience emotional suffering on top of financial burdens. When they retire, they might feel disoriented and struggle to redefine themselves.
Embracing Mindful Detachment
So, what can we do instead? Practicing mindful detachment can help. Mindful detachment does not mean:
Emotional numbness
Dissociation
Disengaging from daily life
Losing interest in work
Running away from duties
Denying oneself the pleasures of life
Instead, mindful detachment means being aware of and honoring all the roles we play while acknowledging that we are much more than these roles. It involves being willing to see ourselves in our entirety and from different perspectives.
Practicing Mindful Detachment
Take a pen and paper and start writing: "I am ____"
Most people will start with their name. Write it down, then strike out the sentence. Try again with something different. "I am ____"
You might write your occupation next, or your education, or where you live. After each sentence, strike it out and try again. As you move past the obvious, start writing subtler things—your likes, dislikes, adjectives, learned ideas, and moral judgments. For example: "I am stupid", "I am kind", "I am a music enthusiast", "I am a bad daughter", etc.
Keep cancelling each one. Write something new. Strike it out. Repeat.
When do you stop?
When you have nothing more to write. When you have discovered new layers of yourself through the process. When you have learned to consciously choose what you identify with and how you define yourself, instead of doing it unconsciously or subconsciously. When you feel more expansive and free from old, limited stories about yourself.
The Path to a Fuller Self
By practicing these exercises, you begin to peel away the layers of externally-imposed definitions and move towards a fuller understanding of your true self. You learn to honor all aspects of your being, while also acknowledging that you are more than the sum of your parts. This journey of mindful detachment and self-discovery can lead to a more balanced, expansive, and fulfilling life.
So, take a moment today to look around, choose your three objects, and begin your journey of mindful detachment. Embrace the freedom that comes with a deeper understanding of your true self.
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